“The Importance of Metaphors” was one of the first papers I wrote in this class. I would say I gained the best feedback on how to improve and change my paper for the better. In my free draft, that was my first draft for my essay I didn’t write much because I was struggling on making connections to my thesis. Not only was I having trouble with making connections, but I also needed to support more evidence with quotes. If doctors did not use metaphors when treating patients, not only would they not be doing their job, but patients would feel too weak to heal their disease. In my introduction on my first draft it was not fully developed at all, but one thing that I tried to focus on in my introduction was my word choice. I needed to be very conscious on my word choice because in thee articles wee were referencing in this paper, there were some sensitive topics. I decided to focus more on the medical importance, and how metaphors affect patients, but also mentioned that they affect everyone whether they are a patient or not. It is a sensitive matter so I had to be careful when using words like “fight” or “battle”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with incorporating the words in an essay, it is just better to be aware of your audience, if you choose to incorporate certain words they have to have a significant meaning. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KuNM4W2bBgmNEfJRAeXjBuXYwo1ohe6ATLhN4757UnU/edit
As I started wrapping up my first draft, I made major changes to connect my thesis to every point I was trying to convey throughout my essay. One great changes I made was supporting and providing the evidence I needed to include in order to connect all my ideas to my thesis. I struggled a lot on not only including enough evidence. It was not necessarily including quotes, but I had a hard time explaining what my evidence actually means. I clearly added several more paragraphs so the reader would be able to understand my evidence that I was supporting. I began to explain Khullar’s piece of writing when I went more in depth, by writing a few more paragraphs about his beliefs on military language and how it affects others around us. I also expanded on that by mentioning when it is acceptable to use military language and when it is not. Metaphors are very blunt sometimes, and it can be a bold move to use them in certain cases. Elaborating more on Geary’s Ted Talk helped strengthen my essay as I connected Khullar’s thoughts in comparison to his talk. One quote that helped summarize and connect every authors ideas and beliefs about metaphors was: “Metaphors imply the deliberate action of a living thing pursuing a goal” (Geary 4). This quote supports my thesis when talking about pursuing a goal. A crucial statement I was trying to make throughout my essay was that if you are going to use metaphors, they must be significant or have a meaning behind the metaphor. You never can know for certain how a certain phrase or metaphor can affect a person. How we use our own language influences other people and may change our belief or views on others around us. I believe throughout this writing process and peer review it set me up to write a better paper next time, since this was one of our first pieces of writing. As I continued to write throughout this class it meant that I gained a better understanding on how to include specific pieces of evidence and then expand and explain, and after connecting these thoughts and ideas to my thesis.https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ItFjDfI1UD3U4TmuWlhRiBQYKklN9nxkLU9fuo4E_Zg/edit
